


Sometimes it's our secrets that define us

by thebattlingbard



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-18 00:16:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11279772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebattlingbard/pseuds/thebattlingbard
Summary: Patsy reads the letter that Trixie wrote her





	Sometimes it's our secrets that define us

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't read the previous story then please do that before reading this one. It's called An important letter. 
> 
> The title of this fic is a reference to a quote Britney Spears made a few years ago. Emerald Fennell is a Britney superfan so I thought it would be fun to use a Britney quote.
> 
> The band mentioned is an actual band that played in The Gateways. They can be seen in the film "The Killing of Sister George", seen but not heard they were dubbed over by another band. The Gateways Club is actually used in this film too,
> 
> The Fees that were paid were actually the fees that were charged at that time
> 
> Hope you enjoy the wee bits of history I added to the story, they were fun to research.

Patsy had just finished work, checked her watch and realised she only had an hour till she was to meet Delia at The Gateways Club. She quickly ran upstairs to the room she shared with her best friend Trixie, knowing that she was working the night shift she knew that she would be able to get changed quickly without having to get into a cycle of gossip and laughter that would see her running late. Throwing her hat on the bed she noticed that there was an envelope sitting propped up against her pillows, having no time to read it just now she took the letter and popped it into her handbag to read later. Curiosity was taking over but she pushed that to the back of her mind and left the room.  
****  
Patsy met Delia at their usual table at The Gateways Club, it's funny how she now began to feel comfortable there surrounded by other women like her, especially considering she resisted going for so long. How one perceives things that they don't actually know anything about is funny, she thought to herself. Kissing Delia hello, she sat down and took off her jacket but, for some reason found this a struggle so Delia reached over to give her a hand. Patsy burst out laughing 

"And that's me before a drink" 

“Really, Pats, what would you do without me?' Delia chuckled “Patsy took Delia's hands, looked deep into her eyes and sighed

“I really don't know”. They held the gaze for a bit longer until someone's stomach rumbled. 

'”Sorry” apologised Patsy “I was in a rush, so haven't had any tea”

“Not to worry’ replied Delia with her light Welsh accent “I have just the thing’ she reached into her handbag and brought out a handful of purple quality street she held out her hand ‘Will one of these do, for now?” we can get fish & chips on the way home” she smiled. 

“You really are perfect aren't you?’ Patsy smiled and leant over to kiss her gently on the lips. “now, go and get me a drink. I’ll have the finest Campari they have” Delia laughed and saluted 

“Right away ma’am”

As Delia made her way to the bar Patsy remembered about the letter and reached into her bag and pulled it out, she didn't open it, just held it in her hand pondering all the possibilities of what it could say. Delia came back to the table with two Campari's in a hand and two bags of nuts between her teeth. She put the drinks on the table with one gentle move and then reached up and took the bags from between her teeth, threw them down on the table 

“Here you go, don't say I don't give you anything’ 

“Oh, nuts! I'm famished” exclaimed Patsy as she quickly put down the letter and grabbed and opened a packet of the salty, nutty treat.

Noticing the letter Delia asked questioningly “what's that?”

“ I'm not sure, it was left on my pillow back at Nonnatus, I'm A bit scared to open it, to be honest”

Delia pointed out that “ It might not be anything frightening’ “open it now” “I’m here if it is something horrible”

Patsy took a deep breath “you’re right, I should open it” “it might not be anything nasty at all”

Another deep breath was taken and she began to un-stick the envelope, taking out the letter inside she began to read to herself. “ it’s from Trixie” moving her lips silently as she was reading “she’s guessed about us and is not in the slightest bit bothered.”

“ Wow” exclaimed a Surprised Delia, “ leave it to Trixie to be so observant”. Delia reached over and took Patsy by the hand and questioningly asked: “How do you feel about her knowing about us?”

Patsy put down the letter “Oh, Deels, I feel exposed and I don’t like that feeling at all” “I also feel like I’m a bad friend because of the lies. Lies by omission certainly but a lie is still a lie” “she’s been so, well, Trixie, about everything in her life and… Tom but I’ve always just avoided talking about things of a romantic nature and have always found ways to steer the subject back to her or Barbara” 

“ But the lies can stop now though, Pats. Besides, you weren't lying to hurt anyone you were lying to protect yourself. I’m sure Trixie will understand that.” 

“Hmm!” exclaimed a pondering Patsy “I hope so”

“Anyway” changing the subject “Have you been waiting long?”

Delia replied “ I got here a little bit early so I could pay our fees. 20 shillings is worth it since I can spend some time as a couple with you…in public” She giggled. “Plus” Delia added excitedly I bought us these, she handed over two tickets to Patsy.

Patsy glanced at the bits of paper in her hand “The mission Belles, here next Saturday. How wonderful” Thank you darling” she leant over a kissed her girlfriend on the cheek and then reached over and wiped the lipstick mark away.

“ I thought you’d like that” gushed Delia

“Anyway,” Delia acknowledges “you’ve changed the subject” “Quite expertly done so, If I may say so” “But I really want you to talk to me Pats, tell me why you feel exposed?”  
Patsy shook her head gently and sighed “ I, umm, I’ve spent so long hiding parts of me, hiding my experiences in the camps, hiding who I am, who I’m attracted to that I’ve never opened myself up to the possibility that anyone would like me for all of me” she emphasised the all. And I never thought that people would care enough not to care, does that make sense?”

“Makes Perfect sense” Delia smiled gently

“So, I’m thrown by Trixie’s letter as there’s no judgment” Patsy takes a sip of her drink and a handful of nuts and then picks up the letter and hands it to Delia “There’s just someone seeing all of me and not caring about what they saw and I don’t know how to handle that.” 

Delia opens the letter and reads it for herself

“This is a beautiful letter, Pats. You’re very lucky, no we’re, Delia emphasised we're, very lucky to have her as a friend.”

Patsy sighed “ I know we are and Trixie really is smashing but it's I don't know what to say or do when we go home tonight. Do we just ignore the fact that we read the letter and just carry on as normal or do we take her aside and make a bid deal of it. I'm scared too that things like hugging will be awkward from now on.” 

Delia looked her girlfriend in the eyes and said gently  
"what if? What if? What if? Sweetheart you can sit here and drive yourself crazy asking questions and you can sit here and scare yourself with answers that you’ve just made up yourself. But you need to be brave and go home and face this situation head on, only then, Red, can you have all the answers. But you can be sure of one thing she’s not going to turn you away. She loves you. 

Patsy finished her drink, put the rest of the nuts in her pocket and said to Delia decisively “you’re right, finish your drink and let's go home.”  
Delia did just that, as they were about to leave the club shared one last kiss before they returned to the outside world.


End file.
